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Alachia Queen
Tomatometer-approved critic
Movies reviews only
| Rating | T-Meter | Title | Year | Review |
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Poor Things (2023) |
I never thought I'd want to see an R-rated Disney Princess film by Yorgos Lanthimos and after seeing this, I still don't. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 15, 2023
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Past Lives (2023) |
Is this a film about longing, regret, or an analysis of miscommunication? It's hard to tell as the delivery is so dry and flat. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 15, 2023
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The Killer (2023) |
This film is a good demonstration that not everything between comic panels is worth showing. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 08, 2023
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May December (2023) |
Slyly scripted, this film uncovers a horrifying peak at the mind a child abuser and the harrowingly sad consequences for the victim. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 05, 2023
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Silent Night (2023) |
The 90s called and want their movie back. The expiration date on these types of films has long expired. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 02, 2023
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Godzilla Minus One (2023) |
This film is a monster masterpiece delivering a perfect combination of tension and trauma. It is a near perfect film only faltering in its overuse of the melodrama. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 02, 2023
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Cat Person (2023) |
A precise dissection of a relationship as its being lived in the heads of these two very flawed and naive characters. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Dec 01, 2023
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Napoleon (2023) |
This film about Napoleon goes just about as you'd expect it to being directed by Ridley Scott, a British man. It's hard to fathom how something so ornately decorated, gorgeously costumed, and meticulously shot could be so insanely dull and dreadful. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 23, 2023
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Wish (2023) |
It was wishful thinking that Disney thought it could tackle themes about challenging established order into a film with singing squirrels and talking bunnies. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 21, 2023
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The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023) |
Despite Tom Blyth's best efforts, this film can't deliver a compelling villain origin story. This is yet another unneeded, underwhelming, and uninteresting prequel trying desperately to keep a franchise monetizable. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 19, 2023
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Saltburn (2023) |
The most sublime and rewarding subversion of the mythical straight boy unicorn trope. Emerald Fennel delivers a film whose opulence borders on fantasy and whose excess borders on the absurd in all the most rewarding ways.
- Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 19, 2023
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Trolls Band Together (2023) |
A tale that explores the themes of family bonds that is packaged in a candy glitter rainbow music video. I'm not sure what kid isn't going to enjoy this with a bonus of adults who love NSYNC. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 14, 2023
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The Marvels (2023) |
Instead of teen wannabe-Avenger joining a big girl movie, The Marvels instead has Captain Marvel and Monica Rambeau turn into tween dribble. This movie turns one of its most powerful heroes into a literal Disney Princess. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 11, 2023
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Priscilla (2023) |
Aside from Jacob Elordi's performance as Elvis, nothing about this story is captivating. It's the watered down, Vogue editorial version of a very tragic and dark story about reality of the Presley marriage. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Nov 06, 2023
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Killers of the Flower Moon (2023) |
Scorsese did the Osage dirty by painting them as ignorant victims; the movie plays out like a true crime docuseries but with only the live re-enactments. It lacks the personal insights of the Osage and those trying to seek justice. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Oct 20, 2023
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Totally Killer (2023) |
It's True Crime Podcast meets Back to the Future dialed down to dumb. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Oct 11, 2023
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The Creator (2023) |
The film delivers on VFX and acting but falls short on developing a story beyond the basic trope of a man on the run with gifted child. Don't let the sci-fi AI hook bait you. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Sep 29, 2023
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Bottoms (2023) |
This promised to be a raunchy teen sex comedy but is ultimately an unfunny film about two teens trying to navigate the ups and downs of friendship. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Sep 07, 2023
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The Equalizer 3 (2023) |
A brutally efficient addition to the Equalizer franchise. The villains are a bit overly generic and action scenes are not as articulate but the heart of the story, the beautiful Italian setting, and the delivery of Denzel's Robert McCall make up for it. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Sep 01, 2023
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Gran Turismo: Based on a True Story (2023) |
A serviceable underdog story with sprinkles of likeability, training montages, and things that go zoom. David Harbour carries this one through the finish line. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Aug 25, 2023
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Blue Beetle (2023) |
This is a silly action adventure family comedy that feels like it belongs more on a kid network rather than the first super hero in the new DCEU lineup. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Aug 18, 2023
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The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) |
A completely generic color by number horror film that does such a disservice to the Dracula brand. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Aug 11, 2023
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Barbie (2023) |
This is what happens when you don't do a satire correctly. Barbie is what happens when capitalism dictates messages about girlhood, feminism, and gender inequality. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Aug 06, 2023
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Oppenheimer (2023) |
A nearly perfect three hour stretch of the world of political bureaucracy played out with the story of Oppenheimer. The film only falls short in what it promised to deliver from the trailers. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jul 23, 2023
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The Flash (2023) |
A watered down slap stick version The Flashpoint Paradox storyline. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jul 11, 2023
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Crimes of the Future (2022) |
DUMB. Boring. a manifesto of the apathy of an unfeeling generation. How could a story about body mutilation be this boring.. that's the real crime. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jul 22, 2022
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) |
We unfortunately don't live in a universe where Marvel's Phase 4 is cohesive but at least it's a decent theme park ride. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jul 22, 2022
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X (2022) |
X, first hour of the film is an homage to 70s psycho-sexual-film making and the last 45 minutes is a psycho-biddy/slasher. It's interesting to say the least but at no point was this a scary film. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted May 30, 2022
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Dune (2021) |
While Dune 2021 is a very well presented and styled gourmet sci-fi dish, for a platter stuffed with "spice", it unfortunately lacks a ton of Dune flavor. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted May 20, 2022
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The Northman (2022) |
A historical epic without the epic, a revenge plot with all the agency of revenge removed. What is left? A two and a half hour plodding viking re-enactment. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted May 20, 2022
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Dune (1984) |
Dune 1984 is a muddling, dull feudal drama dressed up in an elaborate sci-fi costume. The film tries desperately to elevate the basic messianic archetype with excess futurism in hopes to disguise its banal core. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted May 10, 2022
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The Endless (2017) |
This independent film is a unique balance between Lovecraftian world building, the intimacies of family dynamics, and the horrors of the personal limitations. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted May 06, 2022
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The Batman (2022) |
A fairly good mock up for a Batman film templated as a graphic novel. Its dark and seedy mood is new backdrop for the Batman films but in terms of showcasing what this cape crusader has to offer in story telling, there is nothing new here. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 26, 2022
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The Power of the Dog (2021) |
Jane Campion turns Thomas Savage's semi-autobiographical novel into pure film poetry. The film is more essay than script and is an amazing thesis on the limitations of power as defined by the masculine vocabulary. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 15, 2022
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Joker (2019) |
The Joker is a powerful idea about accountability in our society but it's clear the script wasn't there. Luckily they were able to make it work with improv and interpretive dance. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 12, 2022
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Eternals (2021) |
Chloé Zhao tries to shove a sappy essay on the virtues of mankind and the value of loving humanity despite its flaws into a lackluster superhero journey of ten vapid characters who spend the entire film disproving her theory. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 12, 2022
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The Matrix Resurrections (2021) |
Rename this film to: Why Lana didn't want make a sequel but didn't want anyone else to do it for fear the original trans allegory would be completely erased from the legacy of the Matrix franchise and it turned into a cis male bullet time p0rno. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 04, 2022
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Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) |
A silly plot with very little character growth for Peter Parker that douses the film in fan service in hopes that we don't notice. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Mar 25, 2022
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Ad Astra (2019) |
The film tries to tackle the dark side of human ambition but fails short of landing any impact. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Sep 27, 2019
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Rambo: Last Blood (2019) |
The film started off as a promising hard R violent rip off of Taken but then took a sharp into dog poop. This is NOT the Rambo we all loved. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Sep 24, 2019
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It: Chapter Two (2019) |
Basically a three hour version of the first film but the only change is the characters are adults and less charming. Not really worth a sequel. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Sep 12, 2019
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Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood (2019) |
The movie is a meh-kay story on the surface but if you look deeper it's also a pretty compelling manifesto by Quentin Tarantino on New Hollywood. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jul 31, 2019
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Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) |
The film takes what it needs from the MCU and then uses the rest as punchlines. It works! This was a great summer comedy. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jul 24, 2019
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Avengers: Endgame (2019) |
The entire tone of the film felt like a eulogy to the MCU and relied too heavily on weepy eyed nostalgia and fan service moments to carry it to the end. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jun 13, 2019
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Hellboy (2019) |
Very poor writing and an inconsistent story tone made this Hellboy reboot too hard to watch. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 18, 2019
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Captain Marvel (2019) |
Marvel gave a pretty mediocre answer to DC's Wonder Woman with this film but at least the cat was cool. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Apr 14, 2019
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Annihilation (2018) |
It's all a metaphor involving a small group of suicidal women who are sent to on the most a critical planet saving mission. The movie like the mission was never going to succeed. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Feb 28, 2019
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Alita: Battle Angel (2019) |
This film is probably much more appreciated by fans of the manga but worth watching for the amazing ninjitsu-ninja assassin-martial arts and to see the greatest in visual effects to date. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Feb 15, 2019
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Glass (2019) |
The obvious limitations of the film's budget for expensive visual effects made the movie focus more on the analytical dissection of what we've come to expect and love about super hero stories. The twist is, it worked. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jan 31, 2019
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The Favourite (2018) |
A drastic change from Yargos Lanthimos's usual style of dispassionate commentary of societal transgressions, The Favourite is much more rhythmically paced and emotionally frank as it explores the intimacy of power dynamics in relationships. - Alachia Queen
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| Posted Jan 18, 2019
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