Jill Halfpenny reveals the grief she suffered after Matt Janes's death in 2017 has made her a 'better person' as she confesses she has found love again seven years later
She was left heartbroken when her partner died of a heart attack while at the gym, some four decades after she lost her father in similar circumstances.
And now Jill Halfpenny has said the grief she suffered after Matt Janes' death in 2017 has made her a 'better person', revealing she's found love again seven years later.
The former EastEnders actress, 48, said she felt 'cursed' when she lost Matt to a fatal heart attack that mirrored father Colin's death while playing five-a-side football when she was just four.
'There was a sense of feeling cursed when Matt died after what happened to my dad. Like, how can that happen twice?' she told Prima magazine.
'That drove me to therapy to investigate those feelings because I thought, 'I'm not going to live alongside that narrative.'
Jill Halfpenny has said the grief she suffered after Matt Janes' death in 2017 has made her a 'better person', revealing she's found love again seven years later
The former EastEnders actress, 48, said she felt 'cursed' when she lost Matt to a fatal heart attack that mirrored father Colin's death while playing five-a-side football when she was just four
The West End veteran said she had a lot of 'unprocessed grief' growing up following her father's death that 'manifested itself' in 'anger' and 'shame.'
'I was in my 20s when I realised a lot of my behaviour was down to this unprocessed grief. I got divorced, I stopped drinking alcohol and then it all seemed so clear – the jigsaw pieces fit,' she said.
But learning to cope with grief all over again in her 40s has made her a 'better person' as she now knows how to be kinder to herself.
'Grief has made me a better person. Processing the grief has softened me and I've become less judgemental about myself. I am my own worst critic, but I have got better,' she said.
She has written memoir, A Life Reimagined, on learning to deal with profound grief, as she thinks it should be 'talked about' despite it being 'upsetting.'
She said: 'There's this notion that grief shouldn't be talked about because it will be upsetting. But I need to talk about it; I want Matt in the room with me. I want to keep him alive in my mind.'
Jill was previously married to actor Craig Conway from 2007-2010 and they are parents to 16-year-old son Henry.
She has now found love again with new boyfriend Ian, who has been her 'cheerleader' as she processes her grief.
Jill and Matt pictured together in May 2016
'There was a sense of feeling cursed when Matt died after what happened to my dad. Like, how can that happen twice?' she told Prima magazine
The West End veteran said she had a lot of 'unprocessed grief' growing up following her father's death that 'manifested itself' in 'anger' and 'shame'
'It sounds so cheesy, but I think Ian and I met at the perfect time,' she said.
'After Matt died, I didn't know if I'd ever meet anyone again, but Ian is my cheerleader - I know I've met somebody who I love and who loves me.'
Jill has starred in a number of West End productions including Legally Blonde, Chicago and Calendar Girls and most recently appeared on television in Channel 5's The Cuckoo and Sky's The Red King.
Back in 2019, she told how her father's death came 'completely out of the blue' and left her feeling like she had to be her own 'rescuer' in life.
But learning to cope with grief all over again in her 40s has made her a 'better person' as she now knows how to be kinder to herself
'He was playing football and had a heart attack. In the morning he was there and then, in the evening, he wasn't,' she told the Radio Times.
'Girls are brought up to believe that Daddy will be the person that comes to their rescue.
'When you've lost that sense of somebody being able to come to your rescue, you say, 'To hell with it. I'll be my own rescuer.'
Read the full interview in Prima's June issue, on sale today.
