SAUCY SECRETS: I love my boyfriend but he always wants a sex act in the bedroom that gives me the ick. He says it's a dealbreaker if I don't do it. Please help!
- Jana Hocking gives advice to Aussies with dark secrets
- READ MORE: Here's how to give your partner the best blow job of their life
Dear Jana,
I've just started dating a guy and so far, I have no complaints in the bedroom department except for one thing. I hate giving blow jobs - and he keeps asking for them. I told him that I'm happy to try a variety of things but that's one thing I will never do.
I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it gives me the ick. Now he keeps hinting that it's a deal-breaker for him. I'm worried he's going to break up with me. What should I do?
Chantelle.
Dear Chantelle,
Oh girl. Let me be perfectly blunt. If I met the love of my life and he told me that I would never receive the gift of his tongue on my nether regions I would cry.
Seriously, I would stamp my foot and cry.
You see, the act of oral is something pretty darn special. For a moment in time, you are putting your own wants and needs aside to pleasure someone else. You are making them the centre of attention. It tells your person without words that their sexual satisfaction is important to you, and you want to pleasure them.
Jana Hocking shares her best Saucy Secrets - and trademark sassy advice
And let's be honest, the sound of someone moaning with pleasure at something you did for them is hot, hot, hot. I honestly get off just as much as my partner does when going below the belt.
So get out that banana and work on those gag reflexes, because no one should go without the delights of some mouth action. No one.
Dear Jana,
I make a higher income than my partner. We're talking over $100k more. And I know this sounds bad, but as a woman making more than a man I'm beginning to get turned off by him.
I pay for our holidays, most meals and I even buy him designer clothes to wear if I know we're going out with my friends because I don't want him to look poor.
I've always been driven but he seems perfectly happy to just cruise through life. I love him, he makes me laugh and he's really attractive, but is that enough? I worry about the future. Will I be paying the private school fees when we have kids? Or buying our house.
It just seems a little unfair. How do I help him find his drive to do (earn) better?
Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous,
If we really pull back the layers here, the truth is a little grim. It sounds to me like you like having a sexy, funny man to show off as your partner - but your values don't align at all.
Oh girl. Let me be perfectly blunt. If I met the love of my life and he told me that I would never receive the gift of his tongue on my nether regions I would cry, write Jana Hocking (above)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a man with drive and prospects, heck I do. But that is not the man you landed on. And sure he can make you laugh, but guess what… so can a man with money.
Now don't get me wrong, financial differences don't have to define a relationships success - I've got a friend who is a fierce and fabulous businesswoman and her husband is a low-income tradie who spends more time in the ocean surfing then he does on a work site. That works for them because she loves coming home to a man who chills her out and he loves being married to someone who kicks butt in the business world. Perfect couple.
But if you are embarrassed by your man's poor work ethic and income then that resentment will build up over time. As it clearly is already. I would sit him down for one of those big adult chats we all dread but are necessary. Communicate your worries, and then do the hardest thing of all… listen to his perspective as well.
Give yourself a stern talking to, mourn the mammary glands and then get the heck over it. You woman is all class and I commend her for making the decision to put her health first, writes Jana Hocking (above)
It's tricky but crucial to approach these conversations with empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to work together towards a shared future that aligns with both of your values. If you can't, then perhaps it's time to spread the net a little wider.
Dear Jana,
I met my girlfriend when she had DD-Cup boobs and a tight little figure. We're now three years in and she wants to get her breast implants taken out because she says they give her a backache. That means she will be go down to an A-cup. I've always been a boob man and I love having a girl on my arm who other men find attractive. Is it bad if I offer a compromise?
Perhaps offer to pay for her to get a C-cup instead? Or is that bad? I don't want my partner to become part of the itty bitty titty committee.
Sam.
Oh simple Sam,
How about you pay for her chiropractor bills instead? Seriously, you try strapping two rockmelons to your chest for a day and see how you like it. As the owner of some decent (natural) C-cup boobies myself, I can tell you that tucking those things in a bra every day sucks balls.
Give yourself a stern talking to, mourn the mammary glands and then get the heck over it. You woman is all class and I commend her for making the decision to put her health first.
Now, perhaps we focus on the size of your willy next. I'm sure she's got plenty of thoughts on that…
