I'm an expert at spotting narcissists - here are five 'dark psychology' tricks to watch out for when dating
An expert is warning singletons about ‘dark psychology’ tricks narcissists use to win you over and trap you.
Dr Annie Wright, a relational trauma specialist, revealed five tricks these individuals use to get what they want without their partner realizing they are being manipulated.
These signs could include going overboard with their affection, creating jealousy-inducing situations and isolating you from other relationships.
By understanding what red flag signs to look out for, Wright advised that you can learn when it's time to cut your losses and run.
There are five red flags you might be overlooking that show a person is using dark psychology against you including excessive affection, gaslighting and keeping you away from friends and family
Dr Wright has been a therapist for 12 years and uses her own experience of relational trauma to help ‘adult children of mood- and personality-disordered parents overcome their painful pasts.’
She said that people use psychological techniques to manipulate or deceive their partners to get what they want from the relationship faster.
These individuals will manipulate, guilt trip and lay on the affection to trick their partner into thinking they are doing something they want.
However, ‘what you’re doing is fundamentally not getting what you want, which is a relationship based on trust and mutuality,’ Dr Wright told Business Insider.
1. They go overboard with their affection
When entering a 'love bombing' relationship, you might find that your partner is showering you with love, care and compliments.
The person will begin ‘showering you with excessive attention and affection early and often to gain your trust and dependency,’ Wright said.
'The love bomber may seem like the perfect match, but in reality, they are creating a false environment to look like they are the right person for you,' Devyn Simone, Tinder's resident relationship expert told Cosmopolitan.
This could include planning extravagant outings, sending endless affectionate messages and flowers only days after you’ve met or declaring their love for you after a few weeks.
If after two weeks, you and your partner are already calling each other 'soulmates,' 'your person' or 'your other half,' these could be red flags, according to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
2. Your partner gradually belittles you
Another dark psychology trick gradually belittles you with subtle comments that may appear to be helpful, but are actually tearing you down bit by bit.
Also called negging, this is a manipulative tactic to undermine someone’s confidence, forcing them to seek validation using comments like: ‘You’re pretty cute for someone who doesn’t take care of themselves.’
The initial feeling of being placed on a pedestal will begin to fade as your partner makes suggestions like you should go to the gym or improve your appearance in some way.
This could cause severe damage to your physical and mental health, Dr Wright warned, telling Insider: ‘It's a basic, fundamental human need to feel attached.
‘When something happens that threatens that attachment, we organize ourselves in ways to try to get that attachment back.’
3. They isolate you from your friends and family
If your partner is demanding that you only spend alone time together rather than going out with friends or meeting your family, this could be another sign of dark psychology, Dr Wright warned.
By isolating you from other relationships, your partner has greater power and control over the relationship and uses the seclusion to undermine your life, identity outside the relationship and foster a sense of dependency.
4. Create jealousy-inducing situations
Manipulators love ‘introducing a third party into the relationship dynamics to create jealousy and competition,’ Dr Wright told Insider.
The dark manipulator might suggest how attractive another person is, suggesting their partner isn’t good enough or creating a sense of jealousy that makes them feel as though they aren’t good enough.
It is a tactic used to make the person ‘feel insecure and eager to prove their worth,’ Dr Wright said.
5. They frequently ‘gaslight’ you
Gaslighting makes the person question the validity of their arguments, making them wonder if they weren’t remembering conversations or events correctly.
It leaves the person disoriented and second-guessing everything they thought they knew about a situation, giving control to their abuser.
‘When you're imbalanced and disoriented, that can make you more susceptible to other seeds or agendas that are planted,’ Wright told Insider.
Gaslighting behaviors can include lying about what happened by telling you that ‘you’re crazy’ or are ‘making things up’ and can minimize your thoughts and feelings by saying ‘you’re overreacting’ or asking ‘why are you so sensitive?’
It’s important to distinguish the difference between someone who is gaslighting you and someone who just remembers an event differently.
Dr Wright said a good way to identify the difference for someone who isn’t using gaslighting is by considering if the person is willing to hear your perspective or if they can admit when they’re at fault.
How to leave a ‘dark psychology’ relationship
Leaving an abuser who uses dark psychology can be difficult because they keep their victims attached by forcing them to seek validation and approval.
If this happens you should take certain steps to protect yourself including educating yourself about manipulation, establishing clear boundaries with your partner or seeking help from a therapist.
‘Good relationships feel good,’ psychologist Dr Alaina Tiani told Cleveland Health Clinic.
‘If it feels too good to be true, that’s probably an indication that there’s something going on. It’s important that when those feelings surface, you tune into that instead of pushing it aside.’
If you find yourself needing an escape but unsure how to do it, the National Domestic Violence Hotline encourages people to reach out for support when they need it by calling: 1-800-799-7233.
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