Euros view from behind the sofa: Oh what fun to watch Lineker eat his words, writes KATIE HIND
It was tense. Of course, it was tense. Never mind a view from the sofa, hiding behind one was more appropriate – a valuable tip I learned during Italia 90 when, aged nine, I was scarred when England crashed out on penalties.
After 120 minutes of angst – much of it a snoozefest – there was finally something to cheer about.
It was a long, dull, six-day-long run up. Since beating Slovakia (just), we've been boringly bamboozled by Gareth Southgate about his new formation.
'Three at the back' (whatever that means) is apparently the winning formula, the answer to our dreams. Or, at least, a place in the semi-final.
We were to avoid the ITV curse. The game was on BBC. The downside? That we'd have to listen to Gary Lineker wang on – trying hard to accentuate the positive.
Gary Lineker presented the Euro 2024 match between England and Switzerland on BBC1
Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard and Micah Richards joined Lineker as the BBC's panel of pundits
Gary Lineker, Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard and Micah Richards celebrating England's win against Switzerland
Gareth Southgate wore his staple top, a pure cotton zip-up polo shirt available in Marks and Spencer for £45
Bukayo Saka celebrates after scoring in a penalty shoot out during the quarter-final match
It wasn't all bad. Frank Lampard joined the BBC's panel of pundits and, even better, he had his guns out in a tight, black T-shirt.
Still, at least he was in keeping with Lineker and his fellow experts Rio Ferdinand and Micah Richards, who all went for black or grey. Perhaps they were anticipating a funereal performance.
Southgate was equally bland –unlike suave Swiss boss Murat Yakin. It may have been his 100th match as England manager, but he hardly dressed up for the occasion. Once again he wore his staple top, a pure cotton zip-up polo shirt available in Marks and Spencer for £45. Unsurprisingly, it is yet to sell out – Sienna Miller, he ain't.
Never mind, though: good old Mrs Pickford was there to brighten things up. She opted for an orange replica England goalie outfit in a nod to husband Jordan.
Talking of Wags, they were again out in force. Kyle Walker's wife Annie Kilner, who flew in on a private jet, yet again barely managed to crack a smile.
Even the players looked like they'd rather be sticking pins in their eyes: commentator Alan Shearer certainly sounded like he wanted to.
My phone pinged 36 minutes in. 'Harry Kane is so s***,' a friend texted. She's not wrong, but then it wasn't just him.
Megan Pickford opted for an orange replica England goalie outfit in a nod to husband Jordan
Kyle Walker's wife Annie Kilner, who flew in on a private jet, yet again barely managed to crack a smile
Harry Kane celebrates winning the EURO 2024 quarter-final match between England and Switzerland
Phil Foden did his usual disappearing act, while even Jude 'who else' Bellingham looked half asleep and he's the Top Trumps' World Football Stars number one player. So far, so uninspiring.
Half-time and Lineker et al were waxing lyrical about England's 'massive improvement' because they were ever so slightly better than they were against Slovakia.
Nothing, of course, to do with how he got called out for criticising them earlier in the tournament. Either that, or the 'be kind' brigade have knobbled him.
But 75 minutes in and Lineker was forced to eat his words as Breel Embolo scored for Switzerland when he got in front of Walker, who was otherwise engaged (insert your own joke here).
Phil Foden in action with Switzerland's Breel Embolo during Saturday night's semi-finals match
Even Jude 'who else' Bellingham looked half asleep and he's the Top Trumps' World Football Stars number one player
Southgate made a total of five substitutions throughout the entire game
'Now something has to change,' screamed Guy Mowbray at what might as well have been a brickwall. 'Now he is going to have to make changes,' yelled Shearer.
Southgate must have been listening because three substitutions and five minutes later, Bukayo Saka gave us hope with an equaliser, meaning extra-time.
After another 30 minutes though, still no joy. It was – of course, it was – penalties.
Thirty-four years on from that sad night in Turin when Bobby Robson's boys failed to beat the Germans and I was left broken-hearted, thanks to Palmer, Bellingham, Saka, Toney and Alexander-Arnold, we squeaked through. And next time I might be brave enough to watch from the sofa – not hiding behind it!
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