(For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing.)
-- Acts 17:21
In the past few days I keep catching myself checking the news and refreshing my social media feeds. Not literally, of course -- I don't read the news and don't have any social media feeds to refresh -- but doing the equivalent: checking the handful of blogs I read far more frequently than makes sense given that no one's been posting much recently, branching out to more frequently updated (and therefore lower-quality, newsier) blogs, checking my own blog for new comments, checking for responses to comments I've left elsewhere -- basically a slightly more respectable version of mainlining Farcebook.
This is highly uncharacteristic behavior for me, and I'm not sure why I'm doing it. I have this persistent semi-conscious feeling that if I can just amass enough data -- new data, things I don't already know -- and organize and visualize it just so (I keep seeing mental images of extremely complicated color-coded maps), then -- I don't know, I'll be freaking enlightened or something. Everything will fall into place. Something Very Important will become clear.
At the same time, I find myself unable to write anything of substance. My drafts folder is full of beginnings of posts on a wide variety of topics -- metaphysics, Tarot, the Bible, math, you know the kind of stuff I write -- but I just can't seem to work on any of them. It's a minor miracle I've managed to write, what is it, three whole paragraphs and counting on this post!
Always in the background is this feeling that I'm waiting for something, that Something Big is about to happen and I just have to maintain a holding pattern and wait for it to happen already before I can do anything else.
I wouldn't normally consider this "how I'm feeling today" kind of stuff to be worth posting, but I know that several of my pen friends and fellow bloggers have been feeling more or less the same way, which makes me think this is something bigger than my own psychology. What might that be? I wish I could tell you, but I'm still waiting dammit!
